You can find me where the pavement ends.
I used to run everyday.
I had been running for years.
But I haven't run for almost 2 years, since I hurt my leg.
I have a huge scar that wraps around half of my lower leg that looks like a giant "Nike Swoosh" symbol- if you want to read more about it you can click here, but be prepared for yuckiness.
Now, that alone is not why I could be in a Nike ad....
although that was a funny joke after they removed my "Frankenstein like stitches", to reveal my new leg "decoration".
I'd show you a picture, but I don't really photograph my legs very often. So at the time of typing this I have no pictures of good ol' "Swoosh leg".
I run outdoors. On dirt roads, where there's no one around.
I just take my iphone, headphones, water, and turn on my Pandora app.
And I run.
And I run.
And I run.
I don't run to get in shape. That might be a by-product.
I run because I process all my thoughts. It clears my head. And I used to feel like my day wasn't right unless I had gone running.
These last couple weeks. I have run again. Tears have streamed down my face. I've felt like God opened up heaven and let my dad hug me through the sunshine. I've felt hope. I've felt strong. I've felt like it was ok to cry, because no one could see me crying again.
As I would run so fast, it felt like I was moving the world beneath my feet. I felt small as I looked up at the vast sky. I've felt so many things I could be here describing them for way longer than you want to read this.
Running was, is, and has always been good for my mind, therapeutic for me.
I run, not to be skinny. I run because to me, running is therapy.
I can't explain it...but as I ran the other day, I thought about all the years that I had been running, all the emotions I've processed as I have run, all my little heart aches and stresses, and ofcourse when my greatest heart ache of, knowing my dad is no longer on this Earth...I had to go running.
To be alone, with the sunshine, with God...and it feels like I could hear my dad saying, "Run like the wind!"....
And I did.
Getting ready to run like the wind...and feel my Dad hug me through the sunshine, your kandee
If you wanna see my kandeeland blog- which I did, in fact write today, also, click here.
14 comments:
Beautifully put...if running helps clear your head and works as therapy for you than this time more than any other is the perfect time to do it. Now you can think of it as spending quality time with your newest guardian angel. Xoxo
You are such a beautiful person inside and out!!!! There are no other words! Seriously beautiful!!!
You are amazing, insightfull and brave.
Kandee, you make the world à better place.
/Maria, Sweden
Beautiful.
I love how you said "feel the wind on my face" instead of "feel the wind blowing through my hair"! LMAO! It's great to hear your feeling like yourself again :) i know I've missed you, and can't wait to see more beautiful videos from your goofy little trooper self! Just to share my heart with you lovely, today is the 3rd anniversary of my mothers passing and in 2 months will be my fathers 3rd as well... We all go through things differently but honey you have helped me see the good in things and I'm so happy to have found you on YouTube! You make my day everyday, chicky! Stay tough, have fun and always know WE LOVE YOU!
I am so amazed even through your heartache you still have this beautiful way of being. Your not alone there are thousands if people who are here with you. Kandee thank you so much and even though I have never had the pleasure of meeting you, I feel like you are one of friends I have known for years. Sending hugs and prayers........Lily
Kandee I need help:( my father and I are so distant at heart because of tough times and he lives only in the room next door. You have made me want to open up to my dad and tell him I love him and I need him as a friend but im scared and in scared ill never do it and it'll be too late:( I'm so sorry kandee<3 one day well all be in heaven and together!
Awe! just gave me chills :( there r no words that can b said to show how much I feel for u, if there was one person that I can tell u that will put a smile on Ur face, it would be to watch kandee ;) cuz every time I watch u, u bring my spirit's up...I hope there is someone who can do the same for u...and of course there's Ur wittle baby ;) hugs from my fingers to U <3
Kandee, I read this yesterday and said a pray for you. Today I got up this morning and ran and ran and thought about you. I guess I was running for you. Thank you for inspiring me...and getting me in shape ;) xoxo
Psalm 34:18
I may not know you personally and I have not lost either of my parents BUT I know that I do pray for you in your time of sorrow. You being so open has allowed for that. We are w you. I am w you in prayer. Your not alone in your grieving He the most important person in the entire universe is w you in this <3 praying for u.
priscillaolivera@yahoo.com
Kandee u inspire me how to achieve great things in life so never let yourself down and keep doing what u d0!!!
Caroline
Beautiful. This gave me chills, and tears in my eyes. I lost my dad in 2008 and your posts have really touched my heart. I'm one of your biggest fans, you have always inspired me. I am where I am today, in great part to you. And now you've truly only inspired more.
<3 you tons
You are a beautiful person inside and out, you inspire me to be a better person in your words. I love you Ms. Kandee you are one of my hero's
Hi Kandee
My prayers are with you and your family. Its truly a tragedy about your father. Im glad to see your back to blogging and showing pictures of your little girl!��!
Keep encouraging us with all your uplifting words. I always look forward to your bloggs and videos!!☺
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